Saturday, 17 February 2007

Little Sam !!!


He's safe and sound and his mum is very tired but very happy!

Love,

Richard

Saturday, 10 February 2007

Pardon My Absence...



Hello all,

I'm going to be less active in this blog for a while, and I probably won't be making any terrible jokes on people's blogs in the near future... The sprained ankle, plus the imminent arrival of my baby, complicates things a little for me.

Hope you all understand. I will try to post from time to time, but the next couple of weeks are going to be quite difficult.

Stay smart,

Thursday, 8 February 2007

Stupid Karma



Last night I sprained my ankle. No, I wasn't doing anything heroic, or even interesting. I was just crossing the road at a normal pace and CRACK!!! (in Spanish ¡¡PLAFF!!).

So, after spending last night with an ice pack on the injured part, today I hobbled over to the hospital. They kindly bandaged the thing up and sent me home on a pair of muletas (crutches).

I thought walking on crutches would be easy. Old people do it all the time, right? Man, was I wrong. For the first few minutes I must have looked like an angry Dr. Octopus as my arms flailed around in an attempt to find balance.

The thing was, after I got the hang of it (the secret is that you have to put both crutches forward in time with your injured foot, that way your weight is carried by the crutch) I was motoring down the pavement like a kid with a new toy. And then I remembered, "Hold on, Richie, you're supposed to be injured--if you make it look too easy people will think you're faking!"

So, I slowed down a little and grimaced to let people know that I was for real. I got some compassionate looks from other pedestrians, so I felt a lot better. Had a lot of problems climbing stairs though...

Anyway, I started thinking the whole incident over and I realised that it was only recently I had posted on the subject of stupid pedestrians, and of how much I valued my legs. Was it coincidence that I then injured myself?

I also remembered that I had posted on the subject of stupid car drivers, just before having a car accident...

So now I am very worried about the post I made concerning the man who mistook his cousin for his wife...

Wednesday, 7 February 2007

Stupid Computer Owners


Computers have been with us now for a long time. But idiots have been with us for a lot longer, and it seems they are getting no better at adapting to the latest technology: Stupid Computer Owners

What I want to know is, did these morons exist back when they invented the wheel?

Stupid Customer: Okay, I made my wheel but it won't move.
Advisor: What shape is it?
Stupid Customer: Square. Does that make a difference?

Or fire?

Stupid Customer: I've got a fire going but it won't cook my dinner.
Advisor: What meat are you trying to cook?
Stupid Customer: Meat? I have to supply my own meat? I'm taking this back to the shop.

Tuesday, 6 February 2007

2000 Bloggers - update


Talk about bad timing. Seems like the 2000 bloggers project has been pulled because of an objection from Technorati. I seem to have an inverse Midas touch--everything I touch turns to mierda.

Monday, 5 February 2007

2000 Bloggers -- One Richie

2000 Bloggers



Tino Buntic (yes, that's his real name!) is compiling a list of 2000 blogs with links to images of the owners. I think there's still room for more of you to join--the only requirement is that you have a photo of yourself on your blog. It's good for creating links to your blog and maybe getting some extra traffic. Tino's Site.

You'll find me somewhere near the bottom...

Taking the Piss (2)



After the previous post on this subject , imaginatively titled Taking the Piss, I was surprised to read this article: Some Meth Addicts Turn to Urine to Get High

Surely there comes a point in a man's life when he thinks, "No, there are some things I will not do. I will not stoop to this."

Obviously not...

Sunday, 4 February 2007

Bill Hicks -- Smart People (2)


Bill Hicks died of pancreatic cancer in 1994 at the age of 32. His life was short, but his influence continues to grow with every passing year.

I first saw him in the UK on an hour-long special on Channel 4. Like all great comedy it had my mind reeling from the very start—can you say those things? He laid into morons like Vanilla Ice with such a vengeance that it literally left me speechless. Plus he did it with such comic delivery and timing that he instantly became my favourite comedian.

But he wasn't just a funny guy, he was somebody who made me think. And judging by the sales of his CDs and DVDs, he's still doing the same for a lot of people around the world.

Some quick quotes:-

You know what's bugging me these days? The pro-lifers… if you're so pro-life do me a favour-don't lock arms and block medical clinics. Lock arms and block cemetaries

You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know. During the Persian Gulf war, those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons." "How do you know that?" "Uh, well … we looked at the receipts."

Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?

I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. "I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs." "I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking." "Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!"



To find out more about Bill Hicks see Bill's Entry in Wikipedia


Thursday, 1 February 2007

Stupid World (1) Man Enters Wrong Hole, Digs Himself Deeper


Do you know your family? I mean do you really know your family?

In Malaga, Spain, a man was arrested for sodomising his male cousin--without consent, obviously. How did it happen? Well, according to
La Voz de Galicia (article in Spanish) it seems that there was a family get-together and el vino did flow. The victim went to a spare room to sleep things off. When he woke up his trousers were around his ankles and he had a stinging pain in his anus. The accused was on top of him...

Now, to me and you this seems like a clear cut case.

But to make matters worse, the perpetrator's excuse was that he'd got up during the night to go to the toilet, went into the wrong room when he came back and confused his cousin with his wife.

I don't know about you, but I think no matter how drunk I was, I would be able to tell the difference between my MALE cousin and my FEMALE wife.

Surely, the fact that the victim was wearing trousers would have been a bit of a giveaway. Or that his legs were hairy? Or that he had a penis?

Does this idiot think that all gay people are just suffering from a similar momentary confusion of orifice? "Oh, Peter! I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were a man! I thought you were my girlfriend!" Come on, amigo, admit it--you saw your cousin's tasty ass and you wanted some of that backdoor action.

Understandably, the victim had to be restrained from trying to kill his cousin with a kitchen knife. (No information is currently available about the wife's opinion of this sordid affair, nor indeed of whether she bears a close physcial resemblance to her husband's cousin.)

What is clear from this, though, is that family get-togethers can be a real pain in the... Er, sorry, I don't know whether to say "arse" or "vagina". *Scratches chin* Well, what do you know--they are easily confused!