Thursday, 11 January 2007

Stupid Accidents (2)

All this talk of accidents has got me thinking about something that still makes me cringe even today.

Let me take you back to the year 1993. I was going on a date with a beautiful girl. I think this was the second or third date we'd been on. Naturally, I wanted to make myself look as good as possible.

Cue hours spent in front of the mirror using hair gel to get my image just right. Damn, I was one handsome guy!

So, I meet the girl at the restaurant and we sit down to order. Everything seems perfect; the atmosphere is relaxed, my hair is glorious and the girl is laughing at my jokes.

The food arrives and I tuck into my hamburger with chips. Hey, do I know what to order to impress a girl or what? The waiter comes over to place a candle on our table and I tuck into my food.

Then it seems like someone has turned up the lights. I look around. The other diners are going about their business. No one seems to notice anything different.

"Have they turned the lights up?" I ask.

The girl looks at me, and her mouth opens in shock. Before I know what's happening, she's slapping at my hair shouting, "Your hair's on fire! Your hair's on fire!"

I reach up and discover that ouch! yes, my goddamn hair is on fire! My girlfriend pours a glass of water over me to douse the flame.

How was I to know that hair gel was flammable! Highly flammable! When I had bent down to eat, the candle must have been close enough to set my crowning glory on fire.

I flick the burnt embers from my head. A terrible smell of burnt, human hair pervades the atmosphere.

The funny thing is, I look around and the diners are still going about their business like nothing happened. What is this? Are they accustomed to people's hair spontaneously bursting into flames? Is that normal in this restaurant?

My girlfriend signals for the waiter to come over. "Don't tell him!" I grimace. I'm embarrassed enough without having the staff know what happened.

"Could I have some more ketchup?" my girlfriend asks the waiter.

Yes, she was one cool chick. And she still is. God knows why she puts up with me, the Human Torch, though...


Patrick Joubert Conlon said...

That was hilarious.

Anonymous said...

LOL!!!! Can't believe that it happened... you should publish it in a book;)

Adrian said...



Anonymous said...

Dear Richie,
I have a HUGE problem with my computer. You know how I was joking around with hacking?? Heh heh. Big mistake on my part. Someone has hacked my computer and is using a remote connection. I blocked it once and traced him (Take that hacker!! I'll hack you right back! I'm not that stupid!) Anyways, he was in Denver at a hotel in suite number 200. If you ever see him, I advise you- KILL HIM FOR ME!

Conquer said...

That's adorable!
(the fact that youare still together, not the fire part.)

I've heard of fire-crotch before, but not candle-flame-head!

Jen said...


That has got to be the best date story I have heard in a very long time. I love this blog!

Thank you for the smile richie : )

Septian said...

oh my God, how can it happen!!!

Richie said...

Everybody: Thank you for your comments! Glad to bring a smile to your faces!

Septian: Don't worry--you can learn from my mistake. Be careful with hair gel! That stuff is lethal.

Anonymous said...

Dear Richie,
Correct me if I am wrong, but you are of hispanic origin, no? This is NOT a racist comment. I just wanted to ask u a question richie. If you are, then how do you feel about the pizza place uproar? I read this on aol news. There was this pizza place in texas and near the US/Mexican border. They had a sign up that said, "acceptemos pesos". People were mad and critized the place. What do you think? Personally, I think that it's fine and that we should be accepting different kinds of money.

Anonymous said...

P.S. This regards my latest comment. I know that Spain uses the Euro, but... what do you feel about foreign money being accepted??

Richie said...

Hello Justin!

Although I live in Spain I was actually born in England, and my parents are Irish so I'm not of Hispanic origin. Don't worry about asking, though, Justin. There's nothing wrong in asking about someone's background.

I don't know anything about that case you mentioned. To me there is no reason for anyone to go crazy. Mexicans speak Spanish, so if you have a business and you choose to accept pesos, naturally you would put the sign in Spanish.

A business should be able to put up the sign in whatever language it wants to attract its customers.

In London, for example,the exchange kiosks where you can change currencies put their signs in various languages.

I would add, though, that it is every citizen's responsibility to learn the language of the country he is living in. So the first thing I did when I moved here was to learn Spanish. (Actually, the situation is complicated where I am, because although Spanish is the national language, the local region of Galician has its own language. I can't be arsed with that. Spanish is the national language so that's what I speak.)

Richie said...

Adrian: I've been giving your above comment a bit of thought, and I'm sorry but as much as I think you're a great dude, and Supreme Commander of the world, I don't think I would go on a date with you.

It's nice to know that you would have laughed if you had been in the place of my girlfriend though. *Cackles with glee as he stirs things up.*

Rose said...

ROFL. Did this really happen?

Adrian said...


Naturally I meant as a fellow patron...

But thank you for the kind words anyway!! : )

Richie said...

Rose: Yep, it really happened. Still got the singed hairline to prove it!

Adrian: !!! Oh, you meant as a patron!!! Okay amigo!